2 Balkan Fags

[DutchGangster69]

There are two balkan fags left in this forum that for years talk about and debate over the stupidist things.

-----------------------> notice how no one else posts here anymore.

[Dobre]

There are two balkan fags left in this forum that for years talk about and debate over the stupidist things.

-----------------------> notice how no one else posts here anymore.

The wonder of the Balkans. No power has conquered it forever. As Amercians say: They fight like children.

We never give up.

Btw, this song brings back memories

[Dobre]

These mixed comparative assessments do not paint a Panglossian picture. Macedonian police estimate that there are 2,000 prostitutes working in roughly 100 nightclubs. Most of them are illegal foreigners and many are held against their will. Macedonia is widely recognized as an important transit country on the drug road that links the Far East and Western Europe. Corruption in the government and related criminal activities is said to cost the country about 250 million euro per year.

http://www.wilsoncenter.org/index.cfm?t ... up_id=7427

[Dobre]

The bad news for Macedonia is that such actions are taking place against the backdrop of an extremely weak state, frayed ethnic relations, an ineffective judicial system, a depressing economic situation, nearly daily incidents of violence, and the continued presence of Albanian paramilitaries. All of this adds up to a volatile situation. The conditions that create incentives for crime and corruption, as well as renewed ethnic violence, remain in place.

[Dobre]

Tribes of the Double-Headed Eagles and People
Osmanlı İmparatorluğu Arnavutluğu
The Glorious Nation of Albanistan





Motto: "In EU we trust."

Anthem: NATO! Fuck yeah!



Capital Tea'-rana (de jure), Washington, DC (de facto)

Largest city Milano

Official languages Albanian, 117 different Albanian dialects

Government pseudo Democratic Parliamentary Kingdom

President Bamir Topi (Albanian for "Do-Good Ball")

King Berisha

National Hero(es) Skanderbeg, Mother Teresa, Barack H. Obama, Nicole Scherzinger, Warren Buffet, Rihanna (?)

Declaration
of Independence Arguably 1912

Currency Prostitutes, crack, BMW X5s

Religion 73% Muslim, 50% Christian, <1% Jew, 100% Atheist

Major exports Kidneys, drugs, prostitutes, raki, stolen cars

Major imports Everything but water and air

Favourite pastime Gossiping, tour de raki

The Republic of Albania (IPA: al-ba-knee-ahh) (not to be confused with Albany, NY or civilization), also known as Albanistan and Albania, the place where people have Turkish names but aren't Turkish but they are their own people under the safe blanket of the Americans, but most commonly referred to as the Glorious United State of Albania, is an unincorporated unwanted territory of the United States of America located in South-Eastern Europe, in the western region of the Balkans. It is inhabited by Albanians, Serbs, Greeks, and Macedonians, but since Albanians claim to be the oldest around the peninsula, everyone is believed to be Albanian. Word has it that they descended from the Illyrian tribes, but few people know the truth, and nobody cares. Albanians are renowned emigrants, and (anecdotally) fierce nationalists. Apparently, there are about 4 million of them living abroad, with some highly reliable sources saying as many as 20 million.

Albanians think about half of the most prominent figures in history or the media are Albanian. Thus, Alexander the Great, Mother Teresa, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lewis Hamilton, Paris Hilton (Person), Steve Jobs and - most recently - Barack Obama are all rumored to be of Albanian descent. Some Albanians think Rihanna is from Southern Albania too, but she has publically denied this on several occasions and has been quoted on record as saying they are certainly not welcome under her umbrella.

Albanians are kind, hospitable people who are very understanding towards people of other religions, mainly because they, Albanians, have no religion. A typical Albanian muslim is tipsy in the morning, just before he goes to the mosque, and completely shitfaced by the time he takes his family to the church later that day.

In April 2009, the country wholeheartedly accepted an invitation to join NATO. The prime minister called it 'a miracle of freedom'. What he meant (if he meant anything) was not exactly understood but greatly appreciated. Later that year Albania confirmed its interest in joining the EU by officially begging applying for membership.

Present day Albania boasts very lively nightclubs, flashy cars and pricey hookers who probably don't care much about NATO. The unemployment rate is close to 70%, and of those unemployed, nobody would take a job unless it requires no effort and pays well. Despite this, the economy seems to be doing fine and - according to the PM - the country is and will not be affected by the 2008 Global Financial Crisis. If that were true, Albania would join the Vatican, the tribes of the Amazon, and the Moon in being recession-proof no matter what.

Albania has been invaded more than 93 times by some 27 different invaders from all 7 continents. Most prominently, the Ottoman Empire, Italy, Germany, the Ottoman Empire, the Eskimos, the Zimbabweans, and the Ottoman Empire. Nevertheless, Albanian history is pretty simple and consists of a mere 5 protagonists - King Bardyl, Skaderbeg, King Zog, Enver Hoxha and the Mafia.

Lore has it that Bardyl (Albanian for grass-wax) had the balls to annex some Macedonian land, kill some random dudes, and form a dynasty. In what appears to be plain vanity, he named the dynasty after himself. For about three months he was the most powerful Illyrian king. Then he died. Some close relatives of his took it upon themselves to follow Bardyl's legacy as the realest 'gangsta of Illyria. Therefore, years later Agron united some Illyrian tribes and formed a kingdom. What happened next is excessively speculative, but thus did the history of Albania begin.

And then there was Gjergj 'George' Skanderbeg. George was reputedly abducted by the Ottoman invaders at an early age while playing soccer. Anyhow, he went on to become a very able and strong leader, spearheading Ottoman incursions all around Europe. One day after workout he decided to go back to Albania. Many historians believe that he was sent on a geostrategic mission by the Sultan. Others think that the Sultan wanted to make things exciting, since Albania wasn't showing much resistance.

When George first arrived to Albania he was impassive and serious. No one really knew why. He later fell in love with a hot belly-dancer named Donika and things changed. History has it that he led some of the mightiest battles against the Ottomans. Then again, it's just history.

King Zog (Albanian for bird) is well known as one of the bravest leaders in Albanian history. He thought he was a descendant of Skanderbeg. Whatever.

Helped by the fascist Italy, he became President of Albania. He later opted for something cooler and declared himself King of Albania. Nevertheless, he was not so popular around and people kept trying to kill him.[1]

When Mouse-olini of Italy decided it was trendy to invade Albania, King Zog flew away, hence his name. He never came back, though he tried to. Some Albanian taxonomists think that he was a chick, while others know of his feathery origin but refuse to comment on the species.



Skanderbeg when he first arrived to Albania. Notice the pout.

Enver Hoxha was a key figure in Albania for more than 140 years, or something like that. He was a respected lunatic and megalomaniac. His childhood hero is believed to have been Don Quixote of La Mancha. Just like Don Quixote, Don Quihoxha thought he could bring down the mighty evil that loomed over the Albanian people and Albania's territorial integrity[2].

During his reign presidency, half of the population worked for the military and the other half for military-related services. Quihoxha thought he could build the infrastructure and the military power so that no foreign invader would be able to invade Albania. Not that anyone wanted to, but just in case. Tens of thousands of bunkers were built. They were the hottest commodities in Albanian real estate because they were sturdy, and had that mushroom-y sexy-grey futuristic look. People were encouraged to live, study, teach, preach, and inseminate in these bunkers so that they would be safe from foreign aggression.

Hoxha was very emotional too. Rumor has it that he would hang any brave person that would go openly against his views. Awww. In any case, he's dead now.

After Hoxha's death, along came some youngsters with affectedly western vistas. They and some of their friends govern Albania to this day. It is believed that they have close ties to organized crime, organized governance, organized orgi...err everything that can be organized. They're rich and powerful. No one can write or talk about them without being hunted down. Oh wait.. they might be reading this.

Albania's climate is very similar to that of Hawaii, just with double the drug addicts and half the beaches, if they even affect the climate at all. For some reason, some Albanians think of their place as paradise.

It is common practice in Albania to pray for more rain, since the country mostly relies on its hydroelectric power to fulfill the domestic demand. It is rumoured that the government once invited all citizens to urinate near the dams in a nation-wide effort to raise water liquid levels, and increase energy production.

The Albanian climate is very suitable for old folks or asthmatics, given the stuffy, hot summers and smoggy, thick air.

Despite popular belief, there is an Albanian economy. The official currency is disappearing and it has long been used interchangeably with cars, crack, and/or prostitutes. Albanians are world-renown exporters of people, and their organs too (sold separately). Other exports include low-quality oil, high-quality pot, unqualified labor, and other burdens.

One of the most prominent centers of development - Lazarat - boasts a cannabis plantation of over 500 hectares. It is reportedly the greenest Albanian territory[3]. The region is one of the richest in terms of cars/women per capita. Consuming about 150% of the recommended daily cannabis intake, every day, they pull off a healthy lifestyle and manage to be in good shape come what may.

The majority of the population is either self-employed in drug-dealing the chemical industry, or not working. Those who are employed are usually unsatisfied and quit after some time. There are some 2000 cafés in every major city to spiritually-assist the unemployed. In a recent campaign, the government promised lower coffee prices and more coffee shops. It is said that close to 70% of the population is unemployed, about 10% work in the chemical industry and its offshoots[4] and the remaining 20% is unemployed but won't admit it.



The emblem of prosperity, the marijuana leaf, is printed on all Albanian banknotes and serves as a banknote itself.

The country and its countrymen are very proud to offer all types of tourism: blue, green, white, and gory. Albania has some of the most picturesque landscapes and mountains. In an effort to preserve the wilderness, the government has remarkably abstained from investments of any type.

The northern part of the country is well-known for its hospitality, especially towards young Czech tourists. To improve the odds of getting back home, it is advised that foreign tourists be lightly-armed before embarking on their journey, hand grenades might be necessary too. The South has some of the best beaches[5], while the Eastern part is pretty boring and cheap.

As a general rule, tourists are not advised to talk loudly, laugh, or engage in any activity that might disturb their Albanian hosts. Violation of this rule of thumb might result in violence, rape, and/or premature death.

The Albanian tax system is one of the most libertarian ever known. A recent poll showed that almost 90% of the respondents thought that taxes were not mandatory; the other 10% had never heard of the word. It was also reported later that the government would eventually abolish the tax law and legislate something closer to a voluntary donation system. Top donators would be given candy and little plastic badges of loyalty.

Albanians see themselves are people of high values and rich customs. They're hospitable and friendly to all Westerners, most notably George W. Bush and the United States of America.

A very esteemed custom is that of leaving the country to go elsewhere. Indeed, so many people have left that whoever is seen in Albania nowdays, either cannot leave the country or will be leaving soon. In addition, the European Union is deliberately delaying visa liberalization in an effort to help the government keep some Albanians in Albania.

Trash Talking

Part of the tradition is a form of blindly-repeated, ignorantly-nationalistic, reciprocal obscene language and behavior towards the neighboring Serbs and Greeks. There is an unwritten rule that they are to be offended, raped, or humiliated on sight. It's also fashionable to display fake strong nationalistic opinions in an attempt to seem as Albanian as one can get. Greeks and Serbs do their part too, and the beat goes on.

A Typical Internet Conversation between an Albanian, a Greek, and a Serb.
[[Albania|Bloody_Alboooz932]]: fukk ure mam u greek pice of shiiit
[[Greece|Achilles33-bigdick]]: albanians re soo fuckin gay omg.. dude i fuckd ur mom last night
Bloody_Alboooz932: i fukkd ur mam nd sister
Achilles33-bigdick: my dad fuckd ur cousin u homo
Bloody_Alboooz932: omfg uve so tiny pennnis...i fukk everithink that walks

Achilles33-bigdick has disconnected.
[[Serbia|SerbskiPlayboy19]] is now online.

Bloody_Alboooz932: hey pice of shiiit did ur dad fukk u lst night?
SerbskiPlayboy19: ALBANIAN DUMMFUCK..FUCK ALBANIA FUCK KOSOVO
Bloody_Alboooz932: i fukkd ur mam nd sister nd cousin lst night
SerbskiPlayboy19: UR ARE BLAKK anD GAY And FUcK eech ather
Bloody_Alboooz932: fukkin racist i fukkd ur mam lst night

...

Weddings

The typical wedding ceremony includes binge eating and drinking. After consuming some 500ml of raki (domestically-produced, strong brandy) per person, the celebrators go driving around the city, running over little children and honking loudly, to let everyone know that they're happy and drunk. It should be mentioned that drink-driving is a time-honored tradition in Albania.

Some people are married at 14 or younger, so that by the time they're 30 they will have been divorced and married to three other women. Birth control is not stylish, and the typical couple has an average of 5 kids.

Sports

Sports are very popular in Albania, especially sports that involve sheer strength, violence, or have no rules. Albanians are very capable weight-lifters and supposedly can shift mountains and change their landscape by manpower alone. Winter sports mainly consist of a group of people drinking raki on an empty stomach to show off their alcohol tolerance. It has been proposed that this sport be carried out throughout the year.

Childhood Games

Children are usually taught at an early age to disrespect black or queer people, and - of course - the Serbs and the Greeks. Typical childhood games include - but are not limited to - spitting, pissing, beating and swearing at as many Serbs and Greeks as possible. Top kid-players usually go on to become regional, or All-Albanian champions.

Media and Entertainment

The new generation of Albanians (those who were younger than 25 when George W. Bush visited and everyone born ever since) includes some of the most talented singers the world has ever seen. They sing of everything one could ever think of ever singing. Ever. Yes, that would include Facebook [6] and copy/pasting [7]. The majority, however, think they sing of love. Big-boobed, remotely intellectual, potheads make for some of the best entertainers in the region. Especially when they don't talk.

Another form of entertainment - general douchebaggery - has been gaining great appreciation lately. Politicians have a knack for it. The typical program includes mass-lying, mega-embezzling, and accidental mass-murder. Fireworks, too. Viewer discretion advised but not recommended.



George Bush, amidst admirers, during his epoch-making, groundbreaking visit to Albania. June 10th - the day Bush walked in Tirana - is a national holiday where people hold festivities and slaughter turkeys.

[Dobre]

Masturbanian atlantis
Balkanian Gulf
Balkan Gulf



Motto: Why not have one or maybe two.

Anthem: God bless the world.

Greater Albania or the Balkan Gulf will not be established in either 2012 nor 2024 as some Greek scolars think and studied the details for quite some time. how long it takes Europe to realize Albanians are better than Greek or Serbs combined and as usual multiplied by 10 to the power of 2500. In 2012 the, Serbs, Greeks and why not some alcoholic Russian mercenars will get a green light to go invade the wasteland of southern Greece, little tiny weinny serbia so those countries can be personal body guards for Atlantis Albania.

After their goal is met the world will live with gay Skopjan man (who think being gay should be a secret from their wifes). The Balkans will build roads made out of solid gold (they didn't want to attempt this before because Greeks tend to stuff the gold bricks up Skopjan's or Albanians' )))) ), there will be money growing on trees, and the world will continue to celebrate non-stop, forever!

Majority of the Shiptars were killed off in the initial attack but sadly some of them managed to escape by diverting the attention of the greeks by giving them brand new, state of the art dildos which they loved and used with serbs. If you are greek or serb but (mostly greeks) see one do not approach it cause if you say "hi" to a Shiptar he will move into your home and improve your wife's sexual performance so she wont be bitching over life as long as good sex is given to her on a daily basis. Greek men are known for having a back pussy which they tend to use in secret because they are not man enough to admit that they are gay. Nothing wrong with it, just a personal choice.

Capital the best in the balkans.

Largest city Scodra

Official languages Royal Illyrian

Government Very Democratic

SUpreme
- Alb Janina Pashallek-Nemo
Alb

National Hero(es) Poor Monkeys

Declaration
of Independence 21 May 2024

Currency thin air.

Religion Believe in God

Population more than Greece and Serbs combined, multiplied by 10 to the power -4 and then divided by 1 and mupltiplied by 1 to the power of 1 million. This calculation makes sense to a certain point but it is intended to make Greeks and Serbs scratch their heads for 21hrs a day and 14 days each semimonth.

[Dobre]

Albania a.k.a. "European Congo" a.k.a. "New Zwaziland" or "Mexico Of Europe" is a load of crap nation no one cares about in the Balkans. Albanians (in Albanian: Shiptars - referring to the "ship rope tarring" custom of the Illyrians, a people the Albanians exterminated -see below) are multitalented people, adept at a multitude of professions: prostitution/sex slavery, drug trafficking, general crime and more prostitution. They often claim descent (since, at least, Hoxha's communist dictatorship) from the Illyrians, a gang of Adriatic butt-pirates who lived with the Celts, ancestors of modern alcoholics, until the latter told them to GTFO to the western Balkans (both later got pwnt by the Romans). They are also adept at war through relentless immigration. Albanians are often claimed as the only "people" north of Antarctica not filled with a burning hate for Americans. In fact, they love Americans so much as to borrow their watches as souvenirs.

The only famous Albanian the world can think of is Mother Theresa, who - ironically enough - is the only Christian Albanian since the 15th century, as the rest of them have adopted Islam since they became the Turks' bitches - an event they still take pride in.

During World War II, the Albanians were best buds with the Nazis. Without a doubt, this is a strange occurrence, as the Albanian combination of a Jew-like greed, negroid level of savagery, and a universal hideousness unrivaled by any other race should have made them ol' Addie's primary target.



White: Stolen land. Green: Land that will be stolen soon.



Heroic Albanians liberating Kosova Kosovo.



Say wha?

Albanians borrowing typical Texan farmer's watch.



Kosovo, previously a disputed southern province of Serbia, has finally decided to declare their independence. Of course, Serbia still think of them as their bitches, and Russia is with them, so there will probably be a war. Already, Serbs have begun smashing American ambassades all over because of their butthurt, but it is very unlikely that anyone will care enough to even pwn them. The rest of Europe will probably accept the new nation, if only because it is hilarious to watch them struggle - there is no way they will make it on their own economically. However, a good way to troll people who support stupid Western governments is to cry "Kosovo is Serbia!" at the top your lungs at a G8 conference, where only Putin would approve.
“
Kosovo, please be coming to Kosovo, we are not dangerous people, you will not be killed. You may have heard stories about mass ethnic genocide and dead human bodies littering our streets, these stories are completely true
„


— Bonk Vigurosly, Kosovian Chief Of Tourism.



The flag of the new, proud and independent state of Kosovo.



Proposed flag of Kosovo circa. 2009. Only for true Albanian patriots!

Most of Kosovo is filled with mountains, making it easier for the European sand niggers (or Albanians in their native language) to hide during bomb raids. The winters are cold as fuck, and the summers burning hot, making it the ultimate place to move, build your shack and train your war dogs. Having a family is unwise, since they will get shot or bombed sooner or later. Sooner, more likely. So far, 2,2 million people have managed to squeeze their way into this small province - sorry, I meant Republic - despite the barbed wire that lines the borders.



Kosovo Albanian enjoying his new freedom.

Kosovo has been pwned by the Serbs since ancient history, and constantly ridden by war, the Albanian majority have been forced to degenerate into violent apes in order to survive. Since the 70's, they've enjoyed some independence, and most of the Kosovo Albanians in exile formed packs and crossed the border during this time. Needless to say, Kosovo was the least developed area of the former Yugoslavia. In the 80's, some nice persecution made most of the Kosovo Serbs and other ethnic minorities in Kosovo realize the need to GTFO. Since then, the Balkan wars have thankfully killed off a whole lot of the inhabitants left, but enough were obviously left to claim independence. So now they cling fast to their Albanian cousins by telling them that they will be really good friends if they give them many many Jew golds, but this is mostly in vane because the Albanians don't have any Jew golds either.



Brave Kosovo shiptars oppressed by evil Serbian heads.



Kosovo Albanians on their way to the disco.

Kosovo; now and then



Kosovo under Serbian rule, ca. 1980.



The new, independent Kosovo, not ruled by anyone - not even by the Kosovars themselves.

If we want to say it the nice way, Kosovo's economy is weak. Actually, it is one of the poorest provinces countries in Europe. With over 50% of the population unemployed, Kosovo is Europe's lil' Africa. They are begging the rest of Europe the give them money now, as the Serbs quickly GTFO'd from the shithole. It has gone so far that Kosovo is fighting with Moldova for the title Poorest Country In Europe. However, the people are very proud of their failed ass province country, but this is probably just due to that they never went to a better country under their whole lives.

The only successful export from Kosovo are refugees, who travel along the EU and steal anything in sight, to bring it back later to the home country so their relatives can survive down there until they have collected enough money to kiss the sorry ass that is known as Kosovo goodbye forever.

->The main import of Kosovo are stolen goods, Albanians, and Foreign troops.
->It's main export are stolen goods, refugees and foreign mujahideen.
->The export of genocide, landmines, and poverty are also critical components of the Serbian economy.
->Kosovo's main industry is made of wars, pissed off commies, shitty guns, and genocide of the Serbs.



Peace and good economy will make Kosovo thrive.

It all began when the Serbian king, ex-Yugoslavian pimp Slobodan Milošević held a hate speech against Albanians at the 600th anniversary of some Serb ownage around 1000 years ago where they stole Kosovo from the Albanians. But as it is common knowledge in Kosovo that all of that is pure BS, they went batshit insane about the partying Serbs so they started a war to liberate themselves. So in 1996, a massive ass rape started, with everyone raping their (ex)best friends and anyone who had the bad luck to come near the place. -But- the Serbs are even more hated in the world than the Albanians, and seeing them to succeed in a fight was not an option for anybody. So the NATO went in that hell-hole of a country and began to play daddy there. The fighting ceased and the Serbs started themselves to feel the butthurt which the Kosovo-Albanians felt for so many years. The war was sorta over for now.

And after Serbias internal ass rape which became the cause of good ol' Slobodan to GTFO, Kosovo had it's first-time-ever democratic elections. And the kewl Albanians voted for Kosovo to become an autonomous province country, with 87% saying "Yes". The Serbs couldn't believe it, and became more butthurt than ever before. So they voted again, and this time there where 99% who said "Yes". So the Serbs GTFO'd forevar, and the NATO took over. Now was Serbia having a big party to celebrate the fact that they didn't have to play daddy for it's AIDS-infested war-torn Africa-poor shithole of a province.

So now the NATO had to take care of the little bastard. And it went pretty good; the death toll sank just under 9000 and the people were happy enough to dont try to an hero. But still, nobody liked the Kosovars, so even the NATO GTFO'd after some 5 years. Now after all these years, the Kosovo finally became free. The people celebrated in the way they knew best; setting their stuff on fire and getting drunk. But the Serbs -as usually- did not approve of that, so they started rioting the living shit out of themselves in Belgrade. Chillin out maxin' relaxin' all cool, setting some American embassies on fire, the regular stuff. And what is going to happen now? No-one knows.



The tallest building in Kosovo in its normal state of being.



Some say Pristina, the capital of Kosovo, is the most beautiful city in the world.

Well after the war the kosovars started fighting with the serbs again in they're computers at home because they had no ammo and they got internet at last 0.2 KBps not enough to play counter strike so they hacked the serb websites but the serbs revenged too after years hacking and hacking the police decided to pwn the kosovar hackers and so they got in the jail but some started creating free vbulletin forums and some still play counter strike against the serbs and some even smelled enough to start a free software conferences and now they use Lunix.



Miss Kosovo 2008



Kosovo's main export



The new national anthem of Kosovo, sung by enthusiastic tourists.



The average Traffic in the capital of Kosovo.

[IllyroPelasgian]

HAHAHAHAHAH OH MAN THIS DOBRE IS A REALLY SAD ANIMAL

THATS SO STUPID BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU ACCEPT FROM A SERB

[VsichkoEBosh]

HAHAHAHAHAH OH MAN THIS DOBRE IS A REALLY SAD ANIMAL

THATS SO STUPID BUT WHAT ELSE CAN YOU ACCEPT FROM A SERB